Pandemic Lesson #1 – Be Kind to Yourself
This is my #1 lesson of the Pandemic. Be kind to yourself. This can be done in many different ways. Don’t worry about what people think – that is your own fear of being inadequate (or some other reason for your fear that we are taught by “Society.”) My kindness today? I’m sharing with you a post I made on my other blog so that I can use this time to be with my family because that is how I view being kind today. In that blog, I was counting down my monthly lessons. How strangely appropriate that the two correlate this month. Wishing you and yours peace and happiness this holiday season.
Peace.
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As you read my lessons from November, it is just gone December 4th. My lesson is really short: Be Inspired. I have found that I feel better and have better results when my actions are taken after inspiration. Many times, inspiration can even result from my inaction which, in itself, is actually an action. It is how we define inspiration that separates us. Inspiration is that niggle of an idea or a phrase that we just overlook because we are too busy to listen and pay attention.
The idea came to me in a recent dream experience that I’d like to share. In this dream, I realized that my own personal inspiration comes to me in a whisper of an idea, a dream, or an inclination to do or be something…different. Fear keeps me small and is a damn waste of energy. My inspiration is the kindness of a stranger, or the beauty of nature around me, or the laugh of my partner over something really trivial. It used to be that nasty voice telling me I wasn’t ‘enough.’ Now, the voice is much more relaxed due to my acceptance of who I am and what I’m about. I’ve come to realize that the voice is always there and is what one may call my own personal intuition. It reflects my own opinions and that nastiness was my own extreme self-judgment which kept me moving forward, on a path. As I said above, the idea came to me in a dream that was so profound and occurred the night that I asked my own self to help me see what my reason for being is. I’ve been studying brain science and the subconscious: the roles it plays in our lives. One of the exercises is to ask for a dream to help one navigate to their true purpose, which is exactly what I did this evening. I asked: Am I just to be a wife, sister, and daughter in this life? I would like to help others find this sense of peace that I’ve chased through my decades of breathing to find – and recently realized that it was always within myself. I used to look externally for what I already had and that had been buried so deep that I lost my own sense of self through always trying to fit in. Big, big, mental movement forward. <3
My dream was very profound and occurred the night that I requested the dream. I was traveling with a large suitcase, computer bag, and purse – my normal M.O. It was a busy airport and felt like what I imagine Tokyo to feel like. Busy, with people of all kinds going every direction. (I originally noted that it was Newark Airport but the airport was new, shiny, really clean…or not Newark. Sorry, Newark, this airport was so modern and clean, the floors were all shiny white tiles. Newark reminds me of a 70s den with wood paneling.)
I was struggling with my luggage, alternating how to carry it all for the wheels took up too much space; I struggled in walking through the airport from gate to gate. I was traveling with three people, one of which was my sister. (Odd.) We were being picked up by my colleague’s father who looked like a man I used to work for when I was 18. He was joined by another man who I worked for at the same place. (These two ran a company that sold electronic parts off the boat through a catalog service. I handled the order desk and was always told that any delays were stuck on a boat through customs.) Anyway, in my struggling with my luggage, I lost track of the bosses’ direction and we got separated from them…and ended up stopping for lunch. Everything was tile floors, bright black and white lighting, and a lot of neon for an airport. While we stopped to rest, I received an email from the boss asking where we were. (Why didn’t he call me, I don’t know.) We got moving again as I struggled to read and respond to his email asking where we were in the airport, along with always dropping or losing my luggage and stopping while people got mad at me, running around me as I was slowing the pace of the entire airport. This was a particular memory as I struggled with the communication form as we can sometimes do when our devices don’t cooperate. Finally, after a significant struggle, I was able to read the email – the time that went by seemed like hours. I was told that they were at gate 920 or 902…the 20 and 02 in those numbers flipped flopped like an old burned out neon sign. I noted that we were at gate 11 in the airport. I was told to find “Akira” and that they would be meeting me there. As I struggled with understanding how I would get to gate 920, I woke up.
When I ask for a dream from my subconscious to help me navigate, I will go to bed with a journal so that I can review and record the dream for later interpretation. The areas that stand out are giving a highlight and I do some internet research in the area just to figure out what it all means.
What stood out to me were three things, listed in an order of priority based on my immediate feelings upon waking up:
1.) The gate numbers: 11 and 920. I was aghast at how far they’d come and how little traveling I had done in the same time. The number 11 is always a sign to me that I’m supported by the Universe. What does 920 mean?
2.) What the heck is Akira? Is this a restaurant? It was repeated to me and I figured I’d seen this in an airport at some point. (Literal me.)
3.) Why couldn’t I just roll my luggage? Why was the use of email also a struggle? What was the reason for all of the struggling when I had the means to NOT struggle?
Here are the answers that I found and believe to be helpful for me.
1.) The meaning of the number 920. Thank you to angelnumber.org for their work in this area. From this site, I was able to ascertain the following:
As an ‘angel number’, “…[t]he number 920 combines the energy and attributes of the numbers 9, 2, and 0. The number 0 intensifies the energy of other numbers, in this case, the numbers 9 and 2. The number 9 symbolizes spirituality and spiritual evolvement, as well as the path towards spiritual awakening and enlightenment. This number also symbolizes humanitarianism, service to the humankind, philanthropy, altruism, peace, faith, karma, the Universal Spiritual Laws, lightworking and lightworkers. It also symbolizes endings and closures, as well as serving as an example to others. The number 2 signifies balance, duality, harmony, mediation, diplomacy, teamwork, compassion, compromise, cooperation, selflessness, peace, encouragement, trust, faith, stability, service to others, responsibilities, empathy, relationships, partnerships, love, and kindness. This number also symbolizes following your soul’s purpose and mission in this life. The number 0 is a symbol of infinity and eternity, wholeness and oneness, cycles, phases, flow, closures and new beginnings, potential, new opportunities, chances, God and the energy of the Universe, spirituality, and spiritual development.
The number 920 in general signifies major closures and endings, as well as new beginnings in your life. It also symbolizes the change of cycles and phases in one’s life.
It symbolizes relationships, selflessness, balance, stability, faith, trust, spirituality, spiritual evolving, humanitarianism, serving humanity, altruism, and philanthropy.
This number also symbolizes teamwork, partnerships, compromise, lightworking, cooperation, duality, diplomacy, mediation, service to others, infinity, wholeness, oneness, phases and cycles, potential, and new opportunities.
The Secret Meaning and Symbolism
The angel number 920 is a message from the Universe, which confirms that you are on the right path to fulfill your Divine soul’s purpose and mission in this life.”
WOW! I was reading this at 5:30AM and was just gobsmacked that I had actually dreamed this information! I took a sip of the coffee and continued with my research.
2.) What is Akhira? When I ‘Googled’ the term, it was spelled this way but I pronounced it with more of an ‘a’ sound that that with the ‘i’ in the back of the word. The first term was this:
“Akhirah is the term used in Islam to describe the belief in everlasting life after death. Muslims regard life on Earth as a test from Allah, to prepare them for eternal life. … Muslims believe they can enter Paradise by living according to the teachings of the Qur’an.”
Now, I’m not of the Islamic faith so this was totally out of left field for me. However, given what I had learned on the number of 920, I accepted that my dream referenced this in its meanings. My final destination. What a beautiful reference, too, to a faith that is not my own. This also spoke to me that all faith is good. Having faith is a beautiful thing that we humans enjoy.
3.) This meaning to me was obvious. The luggage I was struggling with was my own personal baggage that was weighing me down. My struggle with handling everything became the entire focus of my journey and got me a bit lost. To answer being lost, I stopped and had lunch. See this site for a full explanation. I have had the dream of struggling with luggage before, and being left behind. This seemed to be a running theme in my dreams for the past few years. What I had not had was the clarity of purpose, or the other notes which is why this item is third.
Now, you may wonder how inspiration figures here. Well, I learned of the idea of the subconscious mind in reading I’m doing. This book is fascinating and a recommendation from Jim Fortin. (Listen, folks, if you are struggling with changes in your life, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND JIM FORTIN’S WORK AND PODCAST. It has changed my life.) 
I came upon Jim’s work after listening to a totally unrelated comic discuss the profound impact it made for her while relaxing at home one evening. Her discussion was so much how I was currently thinking that the message could have been FOR me. I felt inspired to find out more. In researching Jim’s work, he discusses brain science, shamanism, and all things transpersonal psychology. He recommended two books to read, one of which was The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy. A dated but fascinating discussion of the formation of the brain and impact on humans. It is sitting at my bed table for night time studying.
It occurred to me in the writing of this post that, by just following my own inspiration, I have made such a profound ‘leap’ in my own development through listening and acting on my own internal voice. I stopped arguing with myself and am now a creature of inspired action. This has resulted in a decrease of anxiety and a level of self- acceptance I never thought possible. A work in progress, sure, with all of the ebbs and flows that life provides in our grand journeys. As I was saying just yesterday, when life begins its ebbs, we need to flow to meet the ebb…or not. We can wait for the flow to return which is part of the larger Universal design, right? I’ve accepted that I’m different and that is by design. I’m okay with being unique and not conforming to expectations – even my own. Not more, just different.
Here’s hoping that as we hunker down into winter up here in the cold northern hemisphere, you find your inspiration in the solitude of the evening or the smile of your dog. (Yes, they smile!) A suggestion: Listen to your intuition and let the inspiration find you when the time is right for both of you! The work we have to do is to clear up our mental clutter to be able to hear. Peace and love for the end of 2021.