Pandemic Lesson #10 – Letting Things Be
Good morning.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this site, Mentagility.com. I began to delve into another pet project of a different blog and moved my focus to that project. This is good mentagility, when you focus on what is driving you at that moment and have the awareness to manage both priorities, and the self-satisfaction of the achievement. I do plan to post more frequently on mentagility again now that I’ve pushed through my own personal limitations. More on that, too.
My other site has a very different flavor than mentagility.com but the messaging is oddly aligned. I guess I must have a running “life theme” in creating both of these platforms that includes expressing myself through writing. I’m just extremely thankful to have recognized both passions, and am okay with changing my focus to one or the other and not feeling overwhelmed. (This is a good 2020 lesson.)
2020.
Damn, what a year!
It is a year that I worked fully at home, earning my same salary, and not having to commute. I saved a ton of money, too, on not being able to go shopping or vacationing. Not that I do much of the latter but it is the idea of which I’m thankful. I’m so grateful for my health. I’m grateful for the upcoming spring and the changing of our seasons here in the northeastern U.S. I’m thankful that my social media diet has really, really helped me become calmer – that, and no caffeine, too. That, my friends, what I wish to write about: caffeine. But, not in the way you think for it has nothing to do with my favorite beverage but about how one just assumes things are the way they are, and the realization of such. Let me explain.
Last year, I was diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure. I won’t go into the details here for this post but, suffice it to say, I noticed that my blood pressure would go up a certain times of the day and concentrated on the feelings of hearing my heart beat and I assessed something sort of “off.” I cannot describe this, I just knew it was off in some way. I was speaking to my mother about this, herself having high blood pressure. She told me for about the hundredth time in my life that she could not drink caffeine because it made her anxious. 
As I was preparing my rebuttal in my head, defending that wonderful creamy drink, I just listened and finally heard my mother. That feeling of being off was anxiety; I just never recognized the feeling in this way because I was too busy defending my right to drink coffee of my choice. I, too, was sensitive to caffeine but I had been drinking it so long, it never occurred to me that what I was ingesting was actually causing me harm. I immediately switched to decaf and, viola, no more morning nerves. (I always thought these nerves were because I hated my job. Nope, no longer true. Still have a love/hate relationship with the job, though. Sigh.)
Sometimes, our perceptions were formed a long time ago and may need revision. Many times, these perceptions actually result in unknown feelings of bias that, when we question them, bring out areas that we’ve kept hidden from others as well as ourselves. This is what is meant by “shadow work.” 
Or, uncovering something that is driving your behavior, when that behavior is what you want to change. When you have an emotion to something, this is your first clue to examine. Is the emotion appropriate? Why or why not? In this process, don’t forget that you are human and are always in a state of learning, including how you are motivated. Don’t hold yourself accountable to the emotion; feel it, own it, and examine it. Your feelings result from thoughts. If the feeling is off, examine the thought and the nugget at the root of the thought. (My disclaimer: This is tough work and may be best completed with the help of a trained therapist.)
In this kind of work, it is important to not be so self-judgmental. Look at yourself like a science experiment and try to be as objective as possible. This requires a sense of vulnerability with the self and with others. Try not to dwell in these feelings by moving through them to the next best feeling. Be realistic in your assessments; honesty is key. Don’t keep lying to yourself because you only hurt you. If you are feeling lousy, take some time to figure out why. Don’t look externally because you have no control over that; check yourself, your perceptions, your beliefs. The sooner you realize that you cannot control anyone else but you, the easier life becomes when you just let things be.
And, I would not be doing my job as a thinker by not quoting the Beatles lyrics for their song “Let It Be” when they sing:
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
The discourse over politics, beliefs, social media – you name it – these past few years created a lot of broken hearts. Many times we must hit our rock bottom to finally be able to see and “let it be.” Letting others be is one of the greatest challenges we have as humans while simultaneously being the greatest gifts. A key part of letting things be is to listen with new ears and eyes. Yes, “listen” with your eyes. 
Listening is key to allowing one to be. You give them honor by “paying” attention. That is why this is called “paying”….because it takes an effort. Put down your handheld device and really listen to what the other person says. Leave your judgment parked somewhere outside. Just be in the moment because, folks, this is the only moment you have guaranteed. Right now. No, now. Now. (Sorry, this just makes me laugh when people believe they are stuck in a moment.)
When you “let things be”, you can assess your situation more honestly and work to limit your bias. If you are looking at life negatively, find the positive. What can you learn on your human journey that gives you positive mentagility? Many times, it is listening without judgment where we realize our own truths. Be still and pay attention, and let life be for it is beautiful with or without your participation. Peace.