Pandemic Lesson #3 – Importance of Grounding
This title also has another phrase which would aptly describe my “mentagility” these days: The Importance of Living in Reality or Understanding What is Real. And, then, grounding one’s self in a reality-based style of thinking, whether that is your internal view of yourself or your external worldview.
The question I’m asking my self these days is “What is real?” In writing this post, I just “Googled” that question to see what wisdom the Google search engine would provide and it did not fail: “existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up.” So, Dear Reader, we are done. Have a nice September.
Oh, if it (or understanding what is real) were that easy.
Well, it (or understanding what is real) is actually very easy. 
However, it takes practice and a high degree of self-awareness and questioning which, in our age of everyone spewing their opinion (and the irony is not lost here as that is EXACTLY what I’m doing in this post…LOL!) can be extremely taxing. Instead of arguing for your point, why not listen to someone else – without judgment – and ask questions about their point of view to better understand? Many times, the vehicles by which we communicate – social media, emails, text message, phone calls – do not provide us with enough visual cues so we must ask questions – and cannot. However, many of us (myself included) assume we know what is going to be said and we shortcut in our brains our response without fulling listening and investigating.
I was recently listing to a podcast called Smartless that stars Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes. The premise is that each of these Hollywood stars will bring a surprise guest to the show and they spend time discussing various issues. (A really great show and highly recommended!) Many guests are known to all three; however, some are famous and only known to one so the podcast is a type of introduction. On an episode with Neil deGrasse Tyson, the head of the world-renowned Hayden Planetarium in New York City, Tyson discussed his children and how they were taught to review life in a more scientific way. (Just to be clear, this is my interpretation of what I learned from the interview.) What engaged me is that he taught his children to question sources and facts and to not automatically disagree but engage, listen, ask questions, and formulate their own opinion based on the facts that they’ve concluded. Or, listen without judgment but to learn something.
At our core, we are all just learning beings and it is okay to be different and respectfully disagree with others.
This is a way of thinking that has taken me about 30 years to develop.
It is the questioning of sources, facts, and working to understand myself that has allowed me to see this in other situations, too. My own heightened sense of self-awareness has, in turn, allowed me to better question others…and allow them to be with their own reality, and on whatever “fact” they’ve chosen. Having someone disagree with me doesn’t denigrate my own opinion which used to be (and, sometimes, still is) my “go to” thinking which is what I’m working on changing. Just because someone disagrees with me doesn’t mean I’m wrong or they’re wrong; it means we disagree. 
If we want to come to an agreement, however, there must be a dialog where points can be exchanged without emotion because BOTH sides must want to find an agreement. I fear that it is this latter area that is severely lacking in our public discourse and we don’t really have any remedy or, sometimes, even the desire to remedy for we get stuck in the (disagreement and fail to see our common areas.
Perhaps this has always been this way? And, our new closeness brought by technology just has put this to a microscopic lens? I’m not sure of the answer here. All I know is that we cannot continue in these highly judgmental times without a dose of reality, or grounding in some common beliefs. There are a lot of influences that we take for granted that add to the confusion and distraction. The distraction then becomes addictive and we are on the road to repeating the cycle. The key to not repeating any life cycle is when you recognize the cycle for what it is, stop it through questioning and learning, and create a new path — and be wary of your next cycle. Life is one big cycle of learning. How can one learn anything about anything if we think we already know everything?
Being in a “beginner mindset” or “shoshin” actually creates excitement and curiosity. I found an article about how to develop beginner’s mind which I will try this month. Try something new! Here is an excerpt from the article. My post discusses item #3 which I will continue to work on this month. (In looking at this list, I almost want to have it tattooed on my forearm so I won’t forget!)
“So how can you develop a Beginner’s Mind, a mind open to many possibilities, a mind ready to ask questions? Here are a few practices from Mary Jaksch of Goodlife Zen:
- Take on step at a time.
- Fall down seven times, get up eight times.
- Use “Don’t Know Mind.” Don’t pre-judge.
- Live without shoulds.
- Make use of experience. Don’t negate experience but keep an open mind on how to apply it to each new circumstance.
- Let go of being an expert.
- Experience the moment fully.
- Disregard common sense.
- Discard the fear of failure. (Note: while typing this, my hands typed the “feel of failure”….interesting.)
- Use the spirit of inquiry.”
The article concludes the following: “With a Beginner’s Mind, you will be more open to possibilities and more creative. You will also form closer bonds with others in your life as they experience your interest in them and your appreciation for their thoughts and ideas.”
Enjoy, and be well. Peace.